Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He better not be in your backpack
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
