i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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