Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
