you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
