Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
