Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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