WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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