i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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