I looked at my own cervix.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
