Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
