You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
