He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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