Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
