i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
