I feel great
I just peed on a car
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
