I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think my moral compass just broke
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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