Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
