Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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