need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
