my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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