she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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