We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
