mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
