Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my poor anus
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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