New invention idea: vibrating tampons
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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