After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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