I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
