i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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