your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
