I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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