it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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