Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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