My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
COCAINE IS GR8
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
