You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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