2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
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