Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
