i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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