If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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