I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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