Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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