I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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