Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
