So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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