Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
