I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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