I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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