awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
