I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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