There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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