if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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